I finally decided on what I wanted to do & I can officially say that I’m an art student :)
I’m glad that trying to get an apprenticeship didn’t work out for me, as it’s given me the opportunity to do something that I genuinely love. The choice was always there but I was just too scared to take the chance.
During the first couple of days of college I was a bit unsure about how I felt. Thankfully thinks are looking up though and I’m starting to get used to it.
However, the hours are so long … 9.00 am till 4.30 pm then finally getting home around 5.40 pm. I’m always tired and it’s a struggle to find the energy to concentrate. I’m enjoying it though which matters the most :)
The 1st and only positive thing that I can mention in this post is that I got a place at art college which I’m really happy about.
However, everything else is going wrong. I feel like crying and I don’t know what to do. I REALLY want to be strong for my family when everything is going on but I feel so weak and I’m also scared.
I’m terrified to start college because it’s something new and even the smallest thing, like getting the bus makes me so nervous. I don’t want to start having panic attacks again, that’ll just top everything off and make me feel even more shit!
I have no idea how I’m going to get through it all. How I’m meant to make new friends in college even though my confidence is at rock bottom. How I’m meant to make it through when the fear of having a panic attack is always there. Most of all, how if things in the family do take a turn for the worst then how I’m meant to handle everything … I don’t know if I can :(